Baby Steps...

When a child is diagnosed with something like Cerebral Palsy, the road ahead is so very long. Now the steps of processing this diagnosis were as follows for me, but they could obviously be different for others dealing with the same situation.


*First comes devastation. Why? Because your life will never be as you "planned", it will never be normal, and your child will not get to lead the life that you had dreamed for them.

*Second comes anger, because you can't control what is happening to your child and WHY IN THE WORLD IS IT HAPPENING TO YOU?....it's a horribly, dreadful feeling that can spiral into depression if one is not careful.

*Third comes guilt. What could I have done differently for a different outcome? What did I do wrong? When in reality, you didn't do anything wrong. This one took me the longest to process and some days, I still revert back to this feeling of guilt. I think this is a hard one for all mothers in general of disabled children, whether it be Cerebral Palsy or anything else.

*Forth comes hopelessness. What am I supposed to do now? I have this child that may never be able to lead a normal life and will most likely depend on me for the rest of my life. I have no idea how I am going to provide the things that this child needs.

*Fifth comes strength. I can DO this! He needs me and I am going to do whatever it takes to give him a wonderful, fulfilling life! You find strength from sources you never thought you would.


I suppose I am going through the second step again. I am just so frustrated and angry that we live in a world filled with so many resources, yet I cannot give my child what he needs. The government says "You make too much, so we're not going to help you." I would love to meet the bureaucrats who decided they know what the hell they're talking about when it comes to what someone like me can afford on our salary for our disabled child and STILL have money left to eat, make payments on our cars, and every single other thing on our plate. Those "people" would definitely be getting a BIG piece of my mind...



- Joy